Month: September 2012

July 2010

Dear Change Matters,

For some time now I have been working on my own personal growth. It has proved most fruitful. I now understand where all my pain originated, how I get triggered and have even managed to use a few tools such as ‘noticing’ and ‘breathing’. Nevertheless, I feel as if I am now treading water. Is this a bad thing?

Treading Water

August 2010


Dear Change Matters

I recently was advised by a close friend to enter into a 12 Step Programme. Yes, there is a history of addiction in my family of origin but I have never had any problems with substance abuse. When I asked why this advise I was told that I come across as if I am ‘walking on eggshells’ and as a result am always trying to control what is happening around me. Yes, I know I try to control things and it has sometimes backfires on me with disastrous results, at times, but I can fix it, so why the recommendation?

Yours sincerely


October/November 2010

Dear White Rabbit,

I feel like I don’t really know who I am or what I want out of life. Is this normal? I am 39 years old. I saw a therapist who says I need to learn how to take care of myself. But I don’t even know how to begin to do this. What did she mean? I was too shy to ask.


Ask the White Rabbit

This is a space where your anonymous comments are given an airing about anything on the site that has worked for you or not, such as the articles, quizzes, recipes, creative writing, visual arts, and the newsletter. If you’ve attended a workshop or small group, […]

December 2010

Dear White Rabbit,

Does couple therapy actually work, and if so, how? My ex-husband and I tried going to some sessions before our divorce, and we just ended up shouting at each other in front of the poor therapist! Now I am in a new relationship where there is a lot of jealousy. Who can help me and what will be different this time?

PS I like your website articles, they get me thinking.

Juliet + Romeo


January 2011

Dear White Rabbit,

February 2011

Dear White Rabbit,

My husband and I separated a few months ago leaving me with dozens of questions as to why it happened and what went wrong. We are on good terms so can talk about the split – but every time I ask him any direct questions as to what prompted him to act he says that he does not know. I am hugely frustrated by this. Do you know why I have such a thirst for answers and is my thirst healthy or just a going to lead me to more misery? (I think I know the answer to this one already but anyway…..)

Thirsty and Frustrated

March 2011

Dear White Rabbit,

I came across your ad on Gumtree and was wondering whether or not you can help me. I am a 39-year old lesbian and my problem is that I don’t know how to feel anything emotionally or physically in my relationship and in life generally.

April/May 2011

Dear White Rabbit 

Hi I saw your profile on and you sound quite different to other counsellors.

I have two questions really: the first is what is depression, in your view? I am a psychologist in private practice and I am on anti-depressants.

I would like to stop them – do you think you can help?

And secondly, why do people drop out of therapy, in your experience and opinion? Do you think therapy really works!?

Many thanks; I enjoy your website a lot, especially the Cookbook!


June/July 2011

The White Rabbit Says:

This month we have a spill-over from our last installment, when M asked – why do people drop out of therapy and does therapy really work?

Then we also have a new question from D who writes: