Open letter from a client
As a client, I would like to share my experience. I am hoping that by giving you an example of how these services helped to change my life. I can help you make a link between the ideas on the website and how it actually works in the sessions.
First of all it is like understanding a new language for your life. You might read the site and go, “Yes, I get the concepts” (they are not new!) or “Yes, it would be nice if some things in my life could change”.
You may also feel that there is nothing “wrong” with you, or that it is not in your power to change the things that are making your life difficult.
You might even feel yes, I had a very nice, privileged childhood and like any family we had our stuff, difficult things happen in kids’ lives – divorce, a parent dying, absent parents who are working, or depressed, or who remarry and leave you, or send you away from home, parents who can’t control their tempers and lash out at you, or who hurt themselves in different ways – drinking too much, fighting all the time, taking pills, not coping or just trying to cope.
You might even have realised that our parents, like me, have their own things to work out and that the fact is as babies, we are born into a family system of some sort or another and that we all feel the effects of our family system as we grow up into adulthood.
Sometimes we tell ourselves that doesn’t even feel so bad at the time. We tell ourselves that we can and have “coped” with some pretty hectic stuff. How we do or have done this is by deciding not to think about it anymore, or to do our own thing, or get what we need elsewhere. So for a long time it actually feels okay.
The trouble is, I find, that when as an adult you get into romantic relationships, a whole lot of weird stuff starts surfacing – strong feelings flash up from our childhood memory bank, for a start.
Now, you may not even recognise that this has anything to do with that stuff from the distant past – that’s history, after all.
What you are facing now is that you and your partner have the same five fights over and over and over again, or that you are getting meaner and meaner towards each other, that you feel hurt and angry all the time, that you think about leaving.
In my case, I did leave a lot. And every time a new relationship would start and the same kind of strong feelings would come out again, never mind who the new person was!
I was very caught up in thinking what was wrong with my situation and my partner. I would think, if this, this and this would change then things would be better. I would only be happy if, maybe I moved out or maybe I choose someone else who was more like this and that or whatever.
I am here to tell you that if you are thinking like that, you are on the wrong path.
You may be thinking that you want to leave your partner, but are too petrified to do so (what about the children) – then you are on the wrong path too.
Of course it might turn out that you do indeed wish to end or renew your current relationship, and that could be a part of your journey – but this is not the place to start.
If you want to get your life back, if you want to wake up with that same zest you felt when you were a teen, or a child, or at varsity, start focusing on yourself right now.
Your happiness lies in yourself – never mind your situation. You can have it now.
When you start to work, you are taught to observe yourself so that you can get to know what is going on with you, to think about yourself in a very empowering way.
You are helped to hold these really, really strong emotions that have come up in your relationships and which, you learn, have such direct links to your past, and you didn’t even know it.
You start seeing how you have been trying to protect yourself with old outdated habits that no longer work for you (screaming, stomping off, and clinging, hiding, demanding, bingeing).
You see that you are still trying to protect yourself even though the situation that hurt you is actually far off in the past. You may realise, for the first time, how hurt you actually were back then. And with this I mean that you will know it in your gut, not in your head.
And in doing so, you will feel yourself, who you really are, with all your power and possibility.
Once you have gone through a process like this, things look and feel different. This is a good place, a real place, from which to make important decisions about what you want to do with your life.
The costs and time investment of these services are low, so that you can afford it in all ways. I want to tell you that it is the best and most effective investment you can make in yourself, if you are ready to do the work.
I still attend the groups and workshops because I love getting to know myself. It is fascinating; sometimes I laugh out loud. Along the road I have met my shame, jealousy, fear, anger and sadness. All the stuff I was running away from. This has brought back my joy.
I hope to see you there, and to see a small part of your marvellous journey as you transform back into your magnificent self, the person you were meant to be on this earth.
It is good to know that our services have made a positive impact in your life. We like the way you unpack the natural tendency we all have when we are challenged with the need to change – those awful feelings of wanting to put it off, it is too scary, too much hard work or the ‘what me, I’m just fine thank-you’ syndrome.
What most of us we don’t realise is that whatever we are right now, wherever we have come from and however we feel – we are constantly changing.
We think ‘P’ might be referring to the ‘emotional baggage’ we bring into our present lives when she writes about the situations we find us having to deal with today vis-à-vis our current personal relationships.
Sometimes we carry such a heavy load of outdated attitudes, perceptions, beliefs systems, destructive thought patterns, painful feelings and old habits of reacting that our present moments can’t respond with any sense of zest or joy. It almost as if we are living inside a large fat marshmallow – we can’t see out and nobody can see in, we can’t hear and nobody can hear us.
We are grateful that the work we do has enabled ‘P’ to get the ‘fun’ spring back in her journey onto the next phase of living. Keep on shining!
E-mail from B
Very good website, I particularly like the fact that it is about self improvement and doing something with your creative side whilst healing the emotional (inner) side. I will definitely make it one of my favourites.
Thanks B – may you continue to enjoy.
Sometimes people think they need to ‘better themselves’ because they are too (whatever – lazy, shy, talkative) while we at ‘Change Matters’ think about change in terms of changing your life by getting rid of old habits that have meant to protect you over the years…things like yelling at people when you feel your old abandonment fears coming up…
We find that if you take your defences away and acknowledge the more vulnerable feelings beneath, you get in touch with your real, true, perfect, authentic self – the one you were born with, before your life experiences shaped you! This authentic self needs no improvement at all.
Also, we find that the energy you used to use to keep yourself protected can now be released into creative work.
An excerpt from an email by PW about www.changematters.co.za
I like the way you have included all sorts of different people on the site which are not strictly related to what you offer and yet their inclusion seems relevant somehow…everything is relevant I guess.
We agree about relevancy. We have this notion that change brings about an energetic surge to express itself. How this translates itself is up to the individual. We like to honour those whom we feel, give voice to what they creatively do. As you have noticed this creative expression doesn’t have to be about art in the traditional sense, rather it’s about the art of translating your passion.