The Principles of Change: 1

In the Scrap the Guide section of our blog, you will find practical, user-friendly ways to help yourself. All the ideas here have been applied in our own lives.

Why “Change Matters”? And why does change matter? A wise person once said, the only thing that is certain, is change. Life is change. Even our faces change. And yet, it is something we fear and resist, or do not completely believe in (is it even possible?). Change Matters is about the power of change, and how to harness that. So this is a site or service for you if you are dissatisfied with some aspect of your life, or if you are in distress, and are ready to do the work that’s needed to change it. Follow our series, The Principles of Change. Ponder our posts!

These principles are not in any particular order of importance, nor are they “steps”. They are markers which guide your change process. You will touch on them regularly, sometimes on a daily basis. Nor are they a finite list. Send us some more that you’ve come up with.

They are principles which, indirectly, the White Rabbit taught Dr Hollywood (also known as Lola Bunny in some circles). They have simply been noted down as they came to Dr Hollywood, while sweeping the floor or noticing something in herself that worked on any given day/while reflecting over the past four years of her own change process.

Principle no 1: You can only change yourself.

Of course, some people are happy not to change, and why should you. People will leave relationships, experience an inordinate amount of conflict, trauma, drama and distress, move on, move countries, and still be sitting with pain and difficulty, still blaming other people, the situation, the past. It is a heck of a thing to realise, like in the game of Cluedo, that “the culprit” in the game of your life has been you. It was not Miss Scarlett in the Ballroom with the Candlestick, but yourself who has been causing your troubles. Some go as far as saying every situation you are unhappy about is the product of your own doing, so get on with it. The opposite of blame is taking responsibility.

What is taking responsibility? It is when you say, it is entirely my current reaction/behaviour that I need to work with. It is in my power to improve my life by doing this.

A good place to begin is just to think about this for a bit. Never mind how heinous your situation is/your partner has been! Empowerment is more important. More next week.

If you like this kind of talk, check out our other two sites for, among other things, lots of free articles about specific problems like depression, anxiety and grief. You can even pose a question to our in-house Agony Auntie (just Ask the White Rabbit…!).